Switzerland: Flying

A rundown building. A dirty bathroom. Half-empty vodka bottles on the table. Beer lined up on the counter. No one here has showered in days. Some even have teeth that are missing. Where am I? A fraternity house? No, I am at the school for paragliding. Take off is in 30 minutes. I’m still a bit frazzled as to why an abundance of alcohol is necessary at the paragliding school and I am tempted to give my tandem instructor a quick breathalyzer. Hopefully he wasn’t one of the people who drank that vodka. Can’t drive, can’t paraglide? That better be a rule in the Handbook for Paragliding Instructors.

The building may have been enough to scare some away. I’m putting my life in someone’s hand- you think they would perhaps have the decency to wipe off the bathroom counter. At the very least, dispose of their empty vodka bottles. Maybe even invest in a machine so they can accept credit cards. But no, cash only.

I will argue that the drive up to the top of the mountain was more dangerous than the act of paragliding. It was a two-lane highway going up the mountain and we took up both lanes. Instead of slowing down to go around the curves, our driver accelerated into them. We traveled well over the speed limit, taking no precautions as we neared the cliffs.

Set-up and take-off went fairly smoothly. Except that, we were given no instructions or safety instructions. In fact, my instructor hardly spoke English. Also he put on my helmet, which immediately fell off. He tried to tighten it, but it wouldn’t work, so I paraglided with my helmet half-on and half-off (50%… not a bad statistic?) As the instructor was putting on my equipment, he kept telling me to “Look away, Leeeez, look far, far, far away.” I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t watch him hook up my equipment (sketchy), but I didn’t want to piss off the instructor by disobeying him so shortly before we flew over the mountains.

At one point during the 40-minute paragliding session, we kept flying over the same trees by a cliff. My instructor kept yelling things in French. I was a bit confused, and a bit worried since we were a few feet from touching the cliff and a few feet from touching the top of the trees. Seems dangerous. Eventually he explained, “One of my friends Joe has had some bad luck. He made a mistake and fell into these trees.” Shit. After about 10 minutes of yelling for Joe, Joe finally responded saying that he was “Alright.” And we continued to fly upward further away from the trees and the cliff (thankfully).

One of the things that I loved most about my unshowered, possibly drunk instructor, was his ability to carry on conversation. “Leeez, do you know Kama sutra?” …. What?… “You know, Leez, you know kama sutra?” … I guess so? … “Leez, you might know, but do you know French Kama Sutra?” …. I guess not? …. “Here we goooo!!!” He then whipped the parachute around in a circular motion for about a minute. Breathless from the exhilaration, he leaned in and said “Leeeez, now I know you like it.”

I’m glad to report that I landed safely. It was amazing to feel like I was flying for a full 40 minutes overlooking Mount Saleve and Geneva at sunset. Despite the sketchiness and near death experiences, my paragliding experience was absolutely breathtaking.

 

Switzerland: Obesity and Life Expectancy

It is excellent. The Swiss have the best of both worlds. Delicious, fat-filled foods and fit bodies. Cheese, wine, beer, chocolate, pastries. Nice abs, slim figures, small rounded butts. Even Grandma looks good! There goes 80-year-old Grandma eating a chocolate croissant and drinking beer, all while maintaining her 40-year-old figure by biking up that mountain.

I noticed the lack of obese (and especially morbidly obese) people during my first week in Switzerland. To verify my observations, I did a quick search of obesity prevalence in the US vs. Switzerland. In the United States, 30.6% of people are obese. In Switzerland it’s 7.7%. It is more common here to find people outside walking around, riding a bike, rollerblading, hiking etc. Even the elderly really get after it.The nation as a whole looks more fit, less sloppy, and overall healthier. Consequently, the Swiss also lead a longer life. The life expectancy at birth in Switzerland is 82 years old (Ranked 4th). In the United States, it’s 78 years old (Ranked 36th). We really need to take a few steps back and learn a little something from the Hottttt Swiss Grandmas.

Obesity around the world (We win!)