The Glorious Week of Dating Bald Men

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Finding a boyfriend is awfully challenging. Recently, it seems like finding someone with whom I have great chemistry is nearly impossible. I sometimes feel like I’m on that old TV show called “Next!” I go out on a date and just want to say, “Next, please!” And the times I want to say, “Ok, you can stay” they are simultaneously saying, “Next!” Someday, perhaps, the stars will align.

I’ve been on a bunch of unsuccessful dates lately. From the rich doctor who was so into himself he seemed to forget I existed. Or the guy who talked about his car like it was as precious as a small child.  Or the super hot and successful guy who found anything that resembled commitment to be scarier than a haunted house. I’ve analyzed why I wasn’t interested in dating these men, and while there are various reasons I’ve found one strong factor that they all have in common: a full head of hair.

Now if you know me well, you’ll know I have a slight inclination towards dating prematurely balding men. Some of you (ok, all of you) think this is a little weird. But, humor me, while I list reasons why they are indeed the best type of men to date.

In general, prematurely balding men are super attractive, but just don’t know it. Losing hair early can be a little traumatic to young men and they have the potential to lose a small amount of confidence in their physical beauty. This creates the desired characteristic of being slightly humbled. And then, they struggle, and finally decide to shave off all their hair. In addition to be extremely sexy, a shaved head is an outward sign of embracing life’s challenges and making the best out of what they are given. Humble and able to conquer adversity. I’m also convinced that prematurely balding men have more testosterone. (Testosterone, well actually dihydrotestosterone, is one mechanism that can lead to hair loss.) They are therefore just exude MANLINESS. Plus, their head just feels awesome.

I meet about half the guys I go out on dates with randomly. The other half I meet on an online dating site. Since dating men with a full head of hair has been problematic to me recently, I decided to do a search for “bald” men on said dating site. Low and behold I found a handful of sexy, successful and interesting bald men. I have four dates lined up in the coming week.

So wish me luck, friends, as I solve the problems associated with man hair and spend the week dating this rare and often under-appreciated breed of men! Amen.

Provider Empathy and Angry Patients

Our patient looked at us with anger, resentment and defiance. His voice overpowered our own when he yelled, “I just need to get out of this hospital. No one else has ever kept me in the hospital and I will never f***ing stay here again. Take out this IV now. I’m leaving. I will not sign your f***ing paperwork.” We tried to reason and compromise with our patient. We explained the benefits of staying in the hospital and the potential risks of leaving the hospital before we found the source of his infection. Any explanation seemed to enrage the patient further. He quickly unbuttoned his gown and threw it to the side. Sitting now in just jeans, he tried to determine how to remove his own IV so he could leave as quickly as possible.

Empathy is a useful skill for a healthcare provider and is defined as “engaged curiosity about another’s particular emotional perspective.” Research has shown that it can lead to better therapeutic outcomes and patient adherence to medications because empathy enhances trust between patient and provider. Additionally, patients’ are more likely to share information with providers who are emotionally present. It is easier for providers to be empathetic when patients are compliant, well mannered and kind. Negative emotions, such as anger and frustration, spread quickly from person-to-person and lead to deterioration of empathy and increased emotional distance between providers and patients.

While difficult, it is important for providers to empathize with patients who are displaying negative emotions. Providers should analyze the patients’ potential reasoning for their negative emotion. This subsequently leads to increase in helping behavior by the providers, which reduces overall anger and increases the therapeutic impact. This display of empathy can allow physicians to uncover patients’ unspoken panic, angst and suffering.

Jodi Halpern, in her article entitled “Empathy and Patient-Physician Conflict” describes a method that physicians can use to increase their empathy when the patient is exhibiting negative emotions. The first step is recognizing one’s own emotion by cultivating self-awareness. Additionally, over time providers should reflect on these emotions and the meaning that these feelings have on their life and the life of the patient. Providers should then make a conscious effort to find the patients’ nonverbal emotional messages implicit in their anger. Finally, and often most difficult, providers should be receptive to the patients’ negative feedback. This feedback should be accepted without defense. The deferment of our defensive impulses to blame or anger provides a gateway to increased empathy.

Dr. Halpern’s framework can be applied to our patient. My first reaction to our patient’s angry outburst and medical noncompliance was frustration. The patient clearly needed additional medical attention that he was not willing to receive. Since negative emotions are highly transmissible affects, my increased frustration likely escalated his anger. The patient had multiple reasons to act upset. From his history, he clearly suffered from abuse during his childhood. He reported smoking a pack of cigarettes per day beginning at age seven. At age 22, he had no teeth because infection and rotting made it necessary for a dentist to pull out all his teeth. Even these two facts make it apparent that parents were not present to encourage good behaviors, but they likely fostered an environment filled with vices and a blatant disregard for their child’s health or his general wellbeing. The patient also reports that he and his mother were over $65,000 in debt and this hospitalization would further contribute to their financial problems. The patient’s basis for his current anger was probably rooted in an upbringing where health was a low priority and financial problems caused family disputes and increased stress. The combination of these reasons likely contributed to his decision to leave the hospital against medical advice. Finally, I should accept this patient’s negative feedback and use it as a reminder to be aware of how social factors and suffering affect patients’ current emotional state. If I am cognizant, I can use empathy to at least partially offset patients’ negative emotions. 

Reference

Halpern, Jodi. Empathy and Patient-Physician Conflicts. Society of General Internal Medicine. 22:696-700. 2006.