Funny things My Mom Said

Me: I drive like such a Grandma in the snow. Like 90% of people pass me!
Mom: Remember, Liz... at least 90% of people are stupid.

Mom: I got you a birthday present. It arrived here yesterday. I liked it so much that I kept it.

Email after my mom found out I went skydiving:
"Please be careful when you cross the street and don't drive any place without your seatbelt. Don't go anywhere with strangers! I guess I forgot to tell you not to go sky diving. You are such a worrisome child."

Mom: Lizzy, you're not weird. You're just a little... different. 

Me: Boys smell.
Mom: That's true. But you need to marry one. I know it's not a pleasant idea but it has to be done. So get out there and find one.

Texting
Me: Haha... jk.
Mom: Who is jk? Is this some new boy you like?

Mom: I'm a little disappointed in humanity. I honestly didn't know there were so many messed up men in this world until you started dating.