How to Get a Boyfriend for Two Months

 Please note that the only thing in dating that I’m qualified to give advice about is how to score a man for two months. I’ve had an abundance of two-month relationships over the course of my life (think somewhere along the lines of 15-20). And, well, I’m pretty damn good at it. Note, this isn’t a blog post about “How to get married” or even “How to get a boyfriend longer than 2 months”… just for two months. I’m not qualified to address any other sort of relationship. So if someone wants to blog about either of the above titles, let me know, and I’ll subscribe to your blog immediately.

____________________________________________________________ 

(1) Be honest. But don’t be too honest.  

This is the premise of the rest of my blog post. It factors in to each of the follow 3 pieces of advice. Always keep this in mind!

(2) Really prepare the first time he visits your place.

The first time I visit a date’s place and the first time he visits mine is a monumental occasion in any of my two-month relationships.

The bachelorette pad.

The woman-cave of single life.

If I take a close look around my lived-in, single-lady rented, girlie apartment, there are a few things that would scare off almost any man. Here’s where I need to factor in #1 on my list: be honest, but not too honest.

To demonstrate how one might prepare for the boyfriend’s first viewing of the Single Lady Love Shack, follow me through the 2 hours I spent preparing today for such an event. Last night, I stayed in and spent my time eating a pint of ice cream, chocolate brownies straight from the pan without a knife or fork (I just dig in), drinking some wine, while crying mercilessly to round 14 of The Notebook. This morning my living room had the remains of brownies, used-tissues softly decorating the floor, and a partially-drank wine bottle with one single wine glass. It is important for a man to never see these remains. I took that brownie pan and washed it.  Picked up the Kleenexes and put them in the BOTTOM of the trash can (No one likes a girl who cries way too easily). I sadly and longingly dumped out the remainder of the wine to hide all of the evidence that I was drinking wine alone on a Saturday night (Sounds kind of depressing, but it was actually awesome. I do what I want.) With all signs that I’m an overly-emotional lush removed from view I went on to the next task.

Now the bathroom is a particularly important place to focus efforts. One thing is that girls never lift up the toilet seat, but your date mostly will on his first visit to your place. I make sure to think about that. Next, I hide all evidence of me not being naturally beautiful. Put away the teeth whitener (my teeth are naturally white!), the make up (my face is naturally beautiful and colorful!), the 3 curling irons, hair dryers and volumizing spray (my hair volumizes itself!). I also remove tampons and pads from out of sight since this can confuse certain men.

Next is the kitchen. I like comfort food, but I want my date to think I’m extraordinarily healthy. This is why I put all of my chocolate, cookies, brownies, and candy bars to the back of the top shelf of the cupboard. I replace these with fresh fruits and vegetables.

For good measure, I do a quick cleaning of the entire apartments, spray some air freshener all around and haphazardly place my running shoes, yoga mat, and gym membership in a noticeable place.

(3) Keep in the crazy. Don’t be so weird.

At least not right away.

If you have to let out some crazy, do so slowly and intentionally.

I’m certain that everyone is just a little bit crazy. Some more than others. Here are a few examples of dates that I’ve been on that didn’t make it to two months because my date didn’t know to keep in the crazy:

---The guy who talked about how foot care was so important to him that he owned his own foot lotions, foot bath machine (wait, what?), callous removers for the feet and nail care products. Dumped.

---The guy who lectured me for 20 minutes on how females get high levels of prolactin that cause rampant emotional changes. The only way females can get rid of these high levels of prolactin is by crying. Hence, women need to cry more than men. Keep your weird conspiracy theories about women’s tears to yourself! Dumped.

           

I’m a little weird too. I have an abnormal obsession with warthogs (they’re just so cute and loveable!) When I’m feeling sad, I go on an internet missions to find cute pictures of Asian babies with basset hounds (the two cutest things on the planet… well besides wart hogs… but finding wart hogs and Asian babies is basically an impossible task and I don’t like to set myself up for failure.)

Another weird thing that plagues me is that I have gross med school-inflicted concerns. We learn about horrible, and sometimes gross diseases, and at some point in a med student career, we’re bound to think that we have at least one of those diseases. This important to hide from your date. I thought I had a gross disease involving worms the other day. As I was getting pretty comfortable with my current boyfriend, I thought maybe I should bounce this idea off of him to see what he think. But thankfully, I thought to myself “Liz, keep in that crazy! Don’t be so weird!” And I told my med school friend about it instead, effectively saving my relationship. Within the next 24 hours, my imaginary symptoms of this worm infection went away. Turns out, I was actually worm-free!  

So yeah, I can be weird, but I know not to let any of those things out on the first 10 dates. I need him to see and like my normal side first, and then slowly throw in a weird thing or two. At that time, he probably won’t dump me, since now he knows that my positive characteristics overshadows those few weird things.

But if he reacts strongly and says, “What?! You’re serious? That’s really, really crazy weird.”

Then I just say, “Hahah… no I’m obviously just kidding. It’s honestly weird that you would think I was serious. Who would really think/ do/ say that? It’s a joke. “

And then I compliment his arm muscles causing him to get distracted in a moment of manly self-worshipping.

(4) Little omissions never hurt anyone.

Over the past 3 years, I’ve been a very busy medical student who pays a lot of money for my education and who chooses not to learn how to cook. In the beginning of relationships, since I can’t be too honest, I often have to pretend I am a free-time loving, super chill, really don’t have that much to do medical student who can cook without killing myself or others. (At least until he loves me). I therefore am careful to omit information involving

A. Having free time

B. Finances

C. Being able to cook

Let me give an example of a date that involved all 3 omissions.

This one guy I dated often took the time to make me wonderful home-cooked meals pretty often. I was super busy on a surgery rotation. Since the ratio of the number of times he cooked for me to the number of times that I cooked for him was now 6:0, I guiltily thought I should invite him over for a pretend Liz-made-meal. Since I was too busy to cook, and I didn’t want to make time to cook, I just stopped at Noodles and Company on my way home from the hospital. I put the meal into my own dishes and went to the effort of walking outside to the dumpster to dispose of any Noodles and Company labeled packaging. Believe it or not, he really loved the pasta I made!

During dinner, I omitted a few things. Here are a few strategies that help one omit:

--Distracting him by giving compliments

--Being intentionally vague

--Saying that “I feel uncomfortable” even if it doesn’t make conceptual sense.

Here is how this plays out:

Him: So how many hours are you working this week?

(I’m really working 14 hours/day then studying)

Me: Oh, nothing I can’t handle… You know what I just noticed? How your blue shirt really makes your blue eyes stand out! That’s so cool.

Him: (blushes) I’ve been told that my eyes change depending on what shirt I’m wearing.

Me: No way! That’s so interesting.

Or…

Him: So I’ve been worried about my $30,000 loans from college. Do you ever get nervous about your loans from college/ MPH/ med school?

(Heck yeah, I think about how far into debt I am all the time)

Me: I feel uncomfortable.
Him: Oh no! So this pasta was delicious. What sorts of things do you like to cook? 
Me: I still feel uncomfortable.

Him: Oh! I'm so sorry. Let’s just change the subject then. Tell me about your day.

This might come as a surprise to most of you, but I’m often the one doing the dumping after two months. Of course, I’ve been tenderly escorted to Dumpsville my fair share of times, but more often than not, I’m the privileged escort. (Uh, well, you know what I mean.)

There are some circulating theories about reasons why my relationships don’t last. One is that I sabotage things when they get too serious. Another is that I choose to date people just because it entertains me (which to a certain extent is true, I dated an extraordinarily rich guy for like 2 months since I thought all his rich mannerism were funny; I dated a bald motorcycle riding tough guy with pitbulls for 2 months since it made me feel badass for like the first time ever.) A final theory is that I’m just too cool.

Oh wait, no one has ever said that last one.

Improving yourself.

And that's what I love most about life... You can always learn new things. Become stronger. Think more positively. Develop new skills. Run faster. Give back more often. Hate less. Love more.

In some way, your new self can always be better than your old self.

The Glorious Week of Dating Bald Men

-->

Finding a boyfriend is awfully challenging. Recently, it seems like finding someone with whom I have great chemistry is nearly impossible. I sometimes feel like I’m on that old TV show called “Next!” I go out on a date and just want to say, “Next, please!” And the times I want to say, “Ok, you can stay” they are simultaneously saying, “Next!” Someday, perhaps, the stars will align.

I’ve been on a bunch of unsuccessful dates lately. From the rich doctor who was so into himself he seemed to forget I existed. Or the guy who talked about his car like it was as precious as a small child.  Or the super hot and successful guy who found anything that resembled commitment to be scarier than a haunted house. I’ve analyzed why I wasn’t interested in dating these men, and while there are various reasons I’ve found one strong factor that they all have in common: a full head of hair.

Now if you know me well, you’ll know I have a slight inclination towards dating prematurely balding men. Some of you (ok, all of you) think this is a little weird. But, humor me, while I list reasons why they are indeed the best type of men to date.

In general, prematurely balding men are super attractive, but just don’t know it. Losing hair early can be a little traumatic to young men and they have the potential to lose a small amount of confidence in their physical beauty. This creates the desired characteristic of being slightly humbled. And then, they struggle, and finally decide to shave off all their hair. In addition to be extremely sexy, a shaved head is an outward sign of embracing life’s challenges and making the best out of what they are given. Humble and able to conquer adversity. I’m also convinced that prematurely balding men have more testosterone. (Testosterone, well actually dihydrotestosterone, is one mechanism that can lead to hair loss.) They are therefore just exude MANLINESS. Plus, their head just feels awesome.

I meet about half the guys I go out on dates with randomly. The other half I meet on an online dating site. Since dating men with a full head of hair has been problematic to me recently, I decided to do a search for “bald” men on said dating site. Low and behold I found a handful of sexy, successful and interesting bald men. I have four dates lined up in the coming week.

So wish me luck, friends, as I solve the problems associated with man hair and spend the week dating this rare and often under-appreciated breed of men! Amen.

Provider Empathy and Angry Patients

Our patient looked at us with anger, resentment and defiance. His voice overpowered our own when he yelled, “I just need to get out of this hospital. No one else has ever kept me in the hospital and I will never f***ing stay here again. Take out this IV now. I’m leaving. I will not sign your f***ing paperwork.” We tried to reason and compromise with our patient. We explained the benefits of staying in the hospital and the potential risks of leaving the hospital before we found the source of his infection. Any explanation seemed to enrage the patient further. He quickly unbuttoned his gown and threw it to the side. Sitting now in just jeans, he tried to determine how to remove his own IV so he could leave as quickly as possible.

Empathy is a useful skill for a healthcare provider and is defined as “engaged curiosity about another’s particular emotional perspective.” Research has shown that it can lead to better therapeutic outcomes and patient adherence to medications because empathy enhances trust between patient and provider. Additionally, patients’ are more likely to share information with providers who are emotionally present. It is easier for providers to be empathetic when patients are compliant, well mannered and kind. Negative emotions, such as anger and frustration, spread quickly from person-to-person and lead to deterioration of empathy and increased emotional distance between providers and patients.

While difficult, it is important for providers to empathize with patients who are displaying negative emotions. Providers should analyze the patients’ potential reasoning for their negative emotion. This subsequently leads to increase in helping behavior by the providers, which reduces overall anger and increases the therapeutic impact. This display of empathy can allow physicians to uncover patients’ unspoken panic, angst and suffering.

Jodi Halpern, in her article entitled “Empathy and Patient-Physician Conflict” describes a method that physicians can use to increase their empathy when the patient is exhibiting negative emotions. The first step is recognizing one’s own emotion by cultivating self-awareness. Additionally, over time providers should reflect on these emotions and the meaning that these feelings have on their life and the life of the patient. Providers should then make a conscious effort to find the patients’ nonverbal emotional messages implicit in their anger. Finally, and often most difficult, providers should be receptive to the patients’ negative feedback. This feedback should be accepted without defense. The deferment of our defensive impulses to blame or anger provides a gateway to increased empathy.

Dr. Halpern’s framework can be applied to our patient. My first reaction to our patient’s angry outburst and medical noncompliance was frustration. The patient clearly needed additional medical attention that he was not willing to receive. Since negative emotions are highly transmissible affects, my increased frustration likely escalated his anger. The patient had multiple reasons to act upset. From his history, he clearly suffered from abuse during his childhood. He reported smoking a pack of cigarettes per day beginning at age seven. At age 22, he had no teeth because infection and rotting made it necessary for a dentist to pull out all his teeth. Even these two facts make it apparent that parents were not present to encourage good behaviors, but they likely fostered an environment filled with vices and a blatant disregard for their child’s health or his general wellbeing. The patient also reports that he and his mother were over $65,000 in debt and this hospitalization would further contribute to their financial problems. The patient’s basis for his current anger was probably rooted in an upbringing where health was a low priority and financial problems caused family disputes and increased stress. The combination of these reasons likely contributed to his decision to leave the hospital against medical advice. Finally, I should accept this patient’s negative feedback and use it as a reminder to be aware of how social factors and suffering affect patients’ current emotional state. If I am cognizant, I can use empathy to at least partially offset patients’ negative emotions. 

Reference

Halpern, Jodi. Empathy and Patient-Physician Conflicts. Society of General Internal Medicine. 22:696-700. 2006.

Connections of Love Lasts the Longest

-->

I walked into Brad’s hospital room to see how his night went. Brad was a 59-year-old male with severe Alzheimer’s disease who had recently suffered from a new-onset seizure. He now had an altered mental status and was confused, delirious and agitated.

He rolled around in bed restlessly. His arms had bruises imprinted on their side from his flailing arms hitting the sides of the bed. His hands were covered with white padded mittens to prevent him from pulling out his feeding tube and lines. He wore a diaper because he was incontinent. A red rash caused from a side effect of a new anti-seizure medication covered the side of his face, his chest and the left side of one leg. Blankets were crumbled up on one side of the bed. He thrashed, he thrashed, and he thrashed.

“Brad!” I started, “It’s Liz, the med student.” I decided first to assess orientation. “What’s your name?” His eyes were partly closed. He rolled to one side, then the other. Mumbling constantly. He finally stated through his mumbling that his name was Brad. I stated that this was correct and asked for his last name. Brad mumbled some more, unable to answer. He wasn’t able to speak in complete sentences and did not know where he was or the year.

Then I asked, “Brad, can you tell me your wife’s name?” Brad halted. He immediately stopped rolling and looked off into the distance. The sounds of Brad restless movements were replaced by silence. Pure silence. Brad’s agitated face slowly relaxed. His gasping breath became calm. He looked at me briefly, rolled over, and stated, “It’s Caitlin Miller. And I love her.” A moment of clarity. In a brain that was slowly succumbing to Alzheimer’s disease. In a brain that had been acutely altered for days due to a seizure. In a confused person who is unable to identify his full name, location or the year. In that moment, he still knew love.

_____________________________________________________________________

I met another patient named Patty a few months ago. I was working at the neurology clinic and had the opportunity to see Patty on three separate occasions. Patty had been suffering for years from Huntington’s disease. Patty’s ability to move her muscles was becoming increasingly impaired. She sat stiff and hunched forward in a wheel chair, but her body often burst into uncontrollable jerking movements. The effect of this disease on her body resulted in abnormal facial expressions, difficulty chewing, swallowing and speaking. She required constant care and was accompanied by her home nurse.  She did not and could not speak to answer my questions. She just stared straight ahead, her body writhing uncontrollably, while her nurse did all the talking.

I took the interim history from the nurse. At one point, I asked about family in the area that might also be able to support Patty. The nurse explained that all family was out of the state and that they do occasionally communicate by sending pictures of Patty’s grandchildren. I reached over to touch Patty’s knee as I asked, “How are your grandchildren doing?” I looked at Patty’s face. A face that rarely showed emotion. A face that is losing the ability to express itself due to her disease. A face I’ve looked into for over two hours that always had remained expressionless.  The corners of her lips slowly inched upward. Her eyes softened and she glanced longingly ahead. And during a rare moment of clarity and understanding, she thought of her grandchildren, and smiled.

______________________________________________________________________

I have an inkling. That in a brain being slowly overcome by disease, there are certain connections that remains intact the longest. As demonstrated by Brad and Patty, these connections, just might be, the ones of love.  

What I want to be when I grow up

I went into med school feeling really confident that I would be an Ob/Gyn. I loved reproductive health. I loved women's health. So then, I was all like...

But then, all these people were like... "What about work / life balance?" "Do you know how hard Ob/Gyn residents work?" "Did you know it's the specialty where the most people quit and change to another specialty?" "All the Ob/Gyn doctors that I know are fat and depressed." So then, I was all like....

Then people started telling me in graphic detail about all the smells, sounds and liquid and semi-solid fluids involved in the birthing process. Then I was all like...

 

 So then, I thought, maybe I should think about some other things that I enjoy. I did my pediatrics rotation. The kids were cute. We blew bubbles together. The girls and I talked about our favorite classes in school and our favorite princesses. So then I thought, maybe I should be a pediatrician! I was all like...

After contemplating peds for a few months, I realized that I just didn't feel passionate about the specialty. I liked all my rotations, but I didn't love any of them. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, so I was all like...

Then as I was studying for my tests and performing clinical rotations, I thought about how I could open a free clinic for homeless women focusing on preventive women's health. I thought about how I could live in developing countries and teach about ob/gyn surgeries... or work on public health projects to increase access to family planning. I kept thinking and I was all like...

 

That made me happy. I have my Ob/ Gyn rotation in May and June. I'm nervous that I won't like it. So right now, I'm all like... 

But, please cross your fingers for me. That in a few months, I'll just be like....

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Advice I was given today:

When you get impatient/ mad/ angry/ upset/ annoyed etc. ask yourself, 

"Will this matter a year from now?"

The Person Whom I’m Going to be with my Entire Life

-->

I’ve found the person with whom I’m going to be spending the rest of my life! Blond hair, blue eyes. Stubborn. Hard-working. Enthusiastic. Caring. Impatient.

And that person is… me.

No, I haven’t given up in the search for love just yet. But what I do know for certain, is that there is one person that I’ll be with forever. Every moment of every day. Every millisecond. With every breath I take. I better like this person a lot. I better like… me.

In yoga last week, we were supposed to dedicate our daily practice to one person. People ran through my mind… my mom, the guy I’m currently dating, ex-boyfriends, best friends. I chose someone I recently dated because he made me feel good about myself. He comforted me and had brought me joy. But my next thought was, “Wait just a moment.  Why didn’t I think of myself? I should bring myself comfort and joy.” At that moment, I decided to dedicate my yoga practice that day… to me.

Later that day, I wanted to further explore finding inner peace and happiness through oneself, rather than relying on others. I spent this week focused on “dating myself.”

And yeah, I was annoying sometimes. I leave clothes on the floor and the occasional dirty dish in the sink. I got frustrated with others which prevented me from enjoying that moment. I was impatient when I had to wait. I wanted my own way.

But, I also shared some awesome moments with myself. Each time in the week when I felt content or happy, I explored the characteristics I was exhibiting that led to that moment. I took mental notes to bring out those characteristics more often in the future.

Continuing to improve oneself is one of life’s greatest challenges. I’ve attempted this multiple times throughout my life. I’ve educated myself, read books, exercised, tried to improve my negative qualities and enhance my good ones. What I never thought of is why. Why do I better myself? To me, it’s because I have to spend my entire life with myself. When I get annoyed, stubborn, or impatient it mainly hurts me. In those moments, I don’t feel at peace with myself. Bettering oneself allows you to enhance your positive qualities and to make life more enjoyable.

So, date yourself. Find ways you can comfort yourself. Enjoy being with yourself. Support yourself. Be your own biggest fan.

For, it’s just one person and one personality that you’re blessed to be around for an eternity. One person you will never live without. And that person is YOU.

Compliments Turned Awkward

In general, I think people don't tell each other nice things enough. I decided today that whenever I think nice things about people, I will tell them.
____________

Me: I've been impressed with how hard you've been studying this morning! I'll bet you're smart.
Guy at coffee shop: Thanks. Want to maybe grab dinner sometime? 
Me: No, that's ok.... 
____________

Me: Your smile lights up the room
Woman at restaurant: Do I know you? *not smiling anymore*
Me: No, no you don't. 
____________

Yeah, things got awkward. 

Funny things My Mom Said

Me: I drive like such a Grandma in the snow. Like 90% of people pass me!
Mom: Remember, Liz... at least 90% of people are stupid.

Mom: I got you a birthday present. It arrived here yesterday. I liked it so much that I kept it.

Email after my mom found out I went skydiving:
"Please be careful when you cross the street and don't drive any place without your seatbelt. Don't go anywhere with strangers! I guess I forgot to tell you not to go sky diving. You are such a worrisome child."

Mom: Lizzy, you're not weird. You're just a little... different. 

Me: Boys smell.
Mom: That's true. But you need to marry one. I know it's not a pleasant idea but it has to be done. So get out there and find one.

Texting
Me: Haha... jk.
Mom: Who is jk? Is this some new boy you like?

Mom: I'm a little disappointed in humanity. I honestly didn't know there were so many messed up men in this world until you started dating. 

Some of My Most Memorable Dates

Some of my favorite dates I've been on: 

 1. The guy who couldn't stop talking about his non-tarnishing man bracelet
 2. The guy who took me to a naked book reading on the 3rd date.
 3. The guy who talked openly about his erectile dysfunction on the 2nd date.
4. Random guy on the street who said "You look skinny, but I can't tell if your face is pretty unless you remove your sunglasses. Please take them off for me so I can decide if I want to ask you out."
 5. The guy who on the first date gave me a 20 minute lecture on his strange "biological" theories about why women need to cry more than men.
6. The guy who told me that he's excited about his new house, but all he needs now is a woman in it to cook for him. 

I'm awesome at choosing men to date.

Emotionally Scientific

-->

Human emotions run rampant in the hospital.

Doctors give earth-shattering news to those full of life. Life slowly leaves these patients. Organ systems begin to shut down, the patient alternates between awareness and unconsciousness, and machines begin to take over vital functions such as keeping the heart beating and the lungs expanding. Doctors also provide life-saving treatment. Life comes back. It steadily turns a patient’s skin from gray to pink, revitalizes the soul, and lets the lungs expand and the heart beat on its own.

Joy. Anguish. Thankfulness. Frustration. Anger. Despair. Hope.

As healthcare providers, we experience these emotions too. It is natural to cry at death. It is natural to feel jubilant when our modern medicine heals a patient fully. But, we often suppress these emotions with the hopes of bettering patient care and protecting our mental health. As a medical student, I am often told by superiors to not get “too involved” with a patient and to “never bring my emotions home.” Emotions can impede patient care by causing physicians to abandon science and evidence. However, I believe that emotions in medicine can serve two main purposes. The first purpose is that the recognition and display of personal emotions helps us heal ourselves. I learned this lesson from Timmy. The second purpose is that emotions can help us connect to patients and bring back the human aspects of medicine even in a hospital full of check lists, following algorithms, and running test after test on our patients. This, I learned from Julie.

I met Timmy on my third year rotation through pediatric oncology. I was sitting in a conference room with Timmy, his mother and father, and a pediatric oncologist. Timmy, a 17-year-old boy, had short curly brown hair and a contagious smile. He was a junior in high school with plans to attend college and work in the healthcare field.

Timmy had been diagnosed with osteosarcoma at a young age. While he should have spent his childhood playing and developing his imagination, he had spent months on chemotherapy and a significant amount of time in the hospital. His cancer went into remission and his family thought he had won the fight against cancer. Today, we were here to tell him that his cancer was back. It had metastasized to his lungs. As the oncologist gave the news to Timmy and his parents, his mom started sobbing. His dad looked stone-faced at the bare, white wall. Timmy looked at his lap, his legs shaking.

That night, I went to the library and did what I knew how to do best. I grabbed a book and opened my computer. I immersed myself in the textbooks and medical literature on the topic of osteosarcoma. I learned about its effects on the body, the treatment, the risk of recurrence and the prognosis of metastatic disease. I looked at the clock after I thought one hour had passed. It was five hours later.

I still felt empty.

I realized that until I explored my physical and emotional well being, I would continue to feel empty. Physically, I had uneasiness in my stomach and a throbbing in my head. Emotionally, I was angry. I was angry that this happened to such a sweet kid. I felt despair. Despair at the prognosis and of the cancer growing in his body. I decided it was needed to explore these emotions. I wrote about my emotions and I talked through these emotions with close friends. In this case, I did not suppress my emotions. I uncovered them. I felt better. I had used my emotions to help heal myself.

Julie, whom I met during my surgery rotation, taught me another important lesson about emotions. I walked into Julie’s room to obtain more information that our team needed for her treatment, and I was greeted by multiple voices. Julie, a 76-year-old female, had an entourage of visitors consisting of a daughter and three grandchildren. I offered to come back, but Julie told me to just wait a moment because everyone was leaving.

Julie arms reached out first to her three young grandchildren. The three children, all with bright blond hair, jumped on the bed to give their grandmother a hug. The six year old, gave her grandmother a bear-hug and said, “Grandma, I love you… even more than the cookies you make!” The three grandchildren giggled uncontrollably. Julie then proceeded to hug and say good-bye to her daughter. Everyone left.

Thoughts raced through my head as they were leaving. I just witnessed Julie as an adored mother and grandmother. At the same time, I knew Julie had pancreatic cancer and had about a month left to live. Feelings of frustrations and sadness started to rise from my stomach and traveled up my body. Before I could stop it, my eyes welled with tears. One tear escaped and slowly ran down my cheek. I brushed it away, embarrassed. I quickly apologized to Julie, looked down at my notes, and started asking the questions we needed. She interrupted.

“Liz, please don’t apologize. I think this hospital is making me less human. Everyone is kind, but I’m being poked, prodded, and thoroughly examined all day. I feel no connections to people. But you, my dear, are displaying real emotion and that is making me feel more human. It’s exactly what I need right now.” I grabbed her hand, my embarrassment faded, and I could feel the remainder of the tear drying on my cheek. My unexpected display of emotions had connected us. The hospital and its procedures had temporarily dehumanized her, but my emotions, in that moment, had helped her heal. 

While emotions from healthcare providers have the potential to negatively affect patient care, they can also be utilized to support our mental health and, when used appropriately, improve care. The first step in doing this is to take time to recognize and explore our emotions in order to promote self-healing. Then, we can analyze our emotions and determine how they might affect our clinical decision-making. We can use this to anticipate potential problems emotions might create in patient care and subsequently craft medical plans and reasonable solutions. Finally, and most importantly, we can channel our emotions to enhance connections with patients and to increase humanism in medicine.

First years.

Nothing like spending the day in clinic with a first year medical student to make you feel good about yourself.

Be careful what you think

Be careful what you think.

Your thoughts become your words...
And your words become your actions...
And your actions become your habits...
And your habits become your character...
And your character defines YOU. 

My Favorite Elderly Patient

At clinic interviewing a 91-year-old woman:

Old lady: What type of medicine do you want to practice?
Me: Right now I'm thinking either pediatrics or ob/gyn
Old lady: So, you've ruled out those annoying men, eh? Right on, girlfriend.
__________________________

Old lady: I have so much pain in my abdomen
Me: You do have some concerning signs on your exam, so the doctor wants to do some further testing. 
Old lady: Oh god, please don't tell me I'm pregnant!? 
__________________________

Going through her medications and past medical history
Old Lady: You could write a book about me and all my medical problems. 
Me: I think I'm going to! I'll give you half the profits. 
Old Lady: We're going to make millions. 
__________________________

Me: I love taking care of you. You're pretty funny. 
Old Lady: I would say I'd send you the bill, but you're lucky that these jokes are free. I'm generous like that. 
________________________

Best. Patient. Ever.